by Ed Fell
Whether single or coupled, or whatever your relationship path is, these tips will almost guarantee more satisfaction in your sex life.
- GROW UP To be a master lover, first become a masterful man. Work on yourself and don’t indulge in petty excuses or complaints. Live your life with purpose. If you don’t know what it is, find it, then live it with gusto. Live with integrity. Be a clear communicator. Learn to be vulnerable.
- BE ENTERTAINING One of the biggest complaints I hear from partners is that men are boring. Conversations are boring, lives are boring, dates are boring, and sex is boring. One of the keys to becoming interesting is to become interested and passionate about what you do. Get fed up with your own boring life and do something extraordinary. Create a life where you have something interesting to talk about. Nurture your own adventurous spirit both inside and outside the bedroom. Take courses, read great books, travel, do something outrageous that you’ve never done before.
- GROW SOME BALLS Get over your need for approval and affirmation from your partner. There are some things as a man you must do for himself. Men are attractive when they are confident; insecurity is destructive to relationships. Be confident in your touch, your words, and your actions.
- GET IN SHAPE Take care of your body. Exercise and eat well. This will add years to your life and your love life. It is a fallacy that men can’t be fully sexually active throughout their lifetime. Do you want to have strong erections through your 60s, 70s, 80s, and, yes, your 90s? Forget the Viagra and get to the gym. Your fitness is the most important factor in maintaining your libido and erections.
- LEARN Explore how to read your body and your partner’s. Mastering sex is a path of learning to run and exchange energy. This can be learned from good and ethical teachers and coaches. Don’t bother trying to learn from porn movies. They have almost no value when it comes to being a great lover. Tantra and Taoist practices have been around for thousands of years and offer exceptional tools for mastering and harnessing sexual energy. There is help for low libido, erectile dysfunctions, premature or early ejaculation, and more.
- PLAY What is about men that takes sex so seriously? Lighten up! Laugh, tickle, play, and make sex and intimacy fun. There is no ceiling to how much joy the body can experience. We limit our pleasure from our own self-imposed beliefs.
- BECOME EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT There are more emotions to master other than horniness, anger, and hunger. When your partner asks how you feel, take a moment to find the answer. Discover your rich inner world of feelings and learn to speak of them with emotional intelligence. An open heart is the biggest aphrodisiac. Don’t be embarrassed to seek the help of a coach or therapist.
- BE CURIOUS Express authentic desire to know your partner. Be curious about her life without trying to change or fix her. Hold space for his fears, successes, struggles, and even his challenges or criticisms of you. Do this without getting defensive. Remember: listening is twice as important as talking.
- PRESENCE Your greatest offering to your partner is presence. Lose the distractions of TV, sports, porn, and other bleeders of energy and really show up at full attention. Presence is a muscle that will get stronger with practice.
- APPRECIATION Court your lover, no matter how long you’ve been together. Compliment your partner. Appreciate your life and live with gratitude. Cherish each moment.
The truth about men is that we are more magnificent than we realize. For many of us, greatness lies dormant, waiting to be uncovered. Each of us holds wisdom, presence, authentic power, generosity, consciousness, passion, creativity, vulnerability, big love, and much, much more.
About Ed Fell
Ed Fell, M.S. lives and loves passionately on Maui. He is a psychotherapist and intimacy/sex/love coach for men, women, and couples. Ed is a Certified Leader and Leader Trainer with the Mankind Project International. He’s guided men, women and couples to their masterful selves for decades. His 30 day couples’ make-over takes intimates to inspiring levels of intimacy. E-visit him at LoversCodes.com or his eponymous website.
