Ten Secrets to Satisfying Sex

by DoctorG on May 28, 2011

Visit the newest article at, “Ten Secrets to Satisfying Sex” . Whether single or coupled, or whatever your relationship path is, these tips will almost guarantee more satisfaction in your sex life.


by Gary Schubach, Ed.D. A.C.S.

Do you see the news about the 237 reasons people have sex? Basically, 1,549 undergraduate students, 503 men and 1,046 women, who were enrolled in psychology courses at the University of Texas at Austin, were asked to internalize and evaluate each of 237 possibilities as reasons for having sexual intercourse on an unusual 5-point scale, in which “1” meant none of my sexual experiences, “2” a few of my sexual experiences, “3” some of my sexual experiences, “4” many of my sexual experiences, and “5” meant all of my sexual experiences.” The study was somewhat hypothetical in that 27% percent of the women and 32% of the men reported they had never had intercourse.

The media, not unexpectedly, has reveled in this scholarly pursuit, and the commentators sound like the blind men who have encountered an elephant, each describing the part encountered and extrapolating from there about the nature of the whole elephant.

One of the first things I noticed was the difference in titles. Actually, the official title of the study is “Why Humans Have Sex (PDF file),” which seems overly broad, given that it was based on the responses of 1539 college undergraduate students, rather than the broad spectrum of ages that would indeed constitute “Humans.” I actually liked the original Associated Press title, “Survey: Why College Students Have Sex.”

Interestingly enough, the exact same article was re-titled by as “Lust Trumps Love When It Comes to Sex: Study Finds That There Aren’t Many Gender Differences in Reasons for Intimacy.” The New York Times ran the story as “The Whys of Mating: 237 Reasons and Counting” and the Today show called it “So Much Sex, So Many Reasons.”

I suspect TV talk shows from Oprah to Bill O’Reilly will be interviewing the authors of the study to explain the results and argue whether the attitudes of Texas college students represent all of us. Jay Leno said on the Tonight Show, “Have you heard of the U of Texas Study on the 237 reasons people have sex? Actually, the 237 reasons were from the women. The men didn’t need a reason to have sex! Sex? Uh, sure.”

While sex stories play big in the media, I fear we are all missing the boat on the real issue here. Hundreds of billions of dollars are spent each year on advertising, fragrances, clothing, medications, etc., to appeal to the perceived reasons for which people want to have sex, but what disturbs me is how little we really know about this most basic of human functions and our true motivations.

Sadly, during the Bush Administration, there has been very limited public funding for sex research, outside of HIV/STD studies. This University of Texas study was self-funded, as was my doctoral research project on the Female Prostate (G Spot) and the phenomenon of female ejaculation, which are also subjects of considerable public interest).

The trend in public education towards “abstinence only” sex education has been a disaster from almost every standpoint. Young people are simply not getting plain, unbiased information from an early age about human sexuality from the educational system. I think this study again emphasizes the urgency of age appropriate, comprehensive, unbiased sex education from the earliest possible age.

The current study in no way contradicts the conclusions of earlier studies that clearly show the more information young people are given about sex, the lower the incidence of later sexual issues, including STDs and unplanned pregnancies. Moreover, numerous studies have shown that with higher overall educational levels and more information given on sex, young people will delay initial intercourse much longer, until they are more emotionally ready, while increasing their exploration of non-coital sexual activities.

Most of the mainstream media ignored the study’s conclusions entirely and came to their own conclusions, which may or may not have been supported by the data. For instance, while the study clearly showed that 20 of the top 25 reasons given for having sex were the same for men and women (see list below), the emphasis given to the reasons showed some interesting differences.

According to the authors of the study, “Men showed significantly greater endorsement of having sex due to physical reasons such as ‘The person had a desirable body;’ ‘The person was too “hot” (sexy) to resist,’ and simply because the opportunity presented itself: ‘The person was available;’ ‘The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of them.’ Men exceeded women on many items that pertained to physical pleasure such as, ‘I wanted to achieve an orgasm,’ and ‘It feels good.’

Men more than women reported having sex as a way to improve their social status (e.g., ‘I wanted to enhance my reputation;’ ‘I wanted to brag to my friends about my conquests’) and their sexual experience (e.g., ‘I needed another notch on my belt;’ ‘I wanted to improve my sexual skills’). Finally, men exceeded women on endorsing a variety of utilitarian reasons for sex: ‘I wanted to change the topic of conversation;’ ‘I wanted to improve my sexual skills.’ Women exceeded men on only three of the 237 reasons: ‘I wanted to feel feminine;’ ‘I wanted to express my love for the person;’ ‘I realized that I was in love.'”

As a society, we need to make a greater commitment of resources to fundamental research into the dynamics of human relationships including, but not limited to, human sexuality. There is still a need for greater training in human sexuality for those in the helping professions, including psychotherapists and primary care physicians. In addition, we need a more honest, open dialogue about sex that will help people to be able to make choices in their lives that lead to enriching, enlivening, supportive, and emotionally satisfying relationships in which they can show their love and caring for others.
Gary Schubach, Ed.D. is currently Associate Professor of Human Sexuality at The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. He writes, lectures and teaches classes in various areas of human sexuality, including uses of media for both entertainment and educational purposes. His doctoral research project was a landmark study of the phenomena of female ejaculation and the so-called “G spot.” Dr. Schubach is considered one of the leading experts in the world in the area of the “G spot” and female ejaculation.

His overall perspective is that our society does not teach people the necessary interpersonal relationship skills nor do people acquire this information naturally. It is his overall goal to help people create sexual relationships that will allow them to enjoy peace of mind, whatever their circumstances, to attract love and be loved by others and to build families and communities that support positive and nurturing relationships. To do this, it will be necessary to replace ignorance and fear about sexuality with awareness and love and to teach and promote skills that will allow people to live together in dignity, respect, understanding, trust, kindness, honesty, compassion and love.