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By DoctorG

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by Gary Schubach, Ed.D., A.C.S.

While watching him on TV, I remembered a New York Times article that I read last February. That article says that Woods had just emerged from rehab for “sex addiction,” and suggests that he has been under the personal treatment of Dr. Patrick Carnes, the guru of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.

The article also suggests that Woods may have been administered powerful antidepressant drugs to suppress his sex drive, erections, and orgasms that are similar to those given to pedophiles and sex offenders. There is substantial debate over whether such powerful antidepressants are appropriate for someone like Tiger Woods who is only guilty of irresponsible consensual sex.

I read Carnes’ best seller, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (1983), when I was a doctoral student, and his theories about “sex addiction” are pseudo science. Unlike most people, I checked his footnotes and they just do not support his conclusions. He piles one on top of another to build his case for “sex addiction” to be regarded as a pathological disease, like alcoholism. I suppose what is particularly offensive is the misuse of the Twelve Steps of AA.

I grew up in a Twelve Step home. My mother was on the program for over thirty years, until her death. In Twelve Step programs I learned that “compulsive behavior” could manifest itself in many ways, including alcoholism, overeating, drugs, gambling or sex and often someone who stops drinking transfers their addiction from one to another.

Compulsive sexual behavior is no different and individuals participate in it for many reasons. There have been times in my life when I have used sex as an escape from myself and my feelings rather than for pleasure or as a reflection of my love and caring for another human being. Those times were problematical in that to get sex, I sometimes acted compulsively in ways I didn’t feel good about later.

As a graduate student, I administered a version of the Kinsey Sex History to 16 members of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. While that was not enough to be considered a reliable sample, I did note that their sexual activities and frequency did not vary much from the average. What was different was how they felt about what they had done.

Back to Tiger Woods. While I will never condone someone breaking their marital agreements regarding sexual exclusivity. I must point out that adultery has reached almost epidemic levels in this country. Woods, Bill Clinton, Gov. Mark Warner, John Edwards and TV evangelist Ted Haggard are only a small fraction of the prominent men to be “outed” for cheating on their wives. Throughout history many prominent men including some Popes and even JFK, who was not exposed until after his time, have broken their sexual vows and the Schadenfreude in me waits for the day when Patrick Carnes is exposed for marital infidelity.

What this may be more about is the interplay between money, power and sex. It seems sex is always lurking somewhere close by when money and power are present. Perhaps Woods’ greatest error, like those before him, was the arrogance to believe that he wouldn’t get caught. However, the penalty for that error should not be chemical castration.

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by Gary Schubach, Ed.D., A.C.S

Professor John Michael Bailey, PhD., has taught psychology at the Illinois University since 1989. Bailey invited a group of four adults to speak to the students about the world of “kink” and “fetish” in an optional seminar that followed his popular ‘Human Sexuality’ class. A guest lecturer demonstrated the use of a sex toy on a woman who was not a student at the university.

So what is all of the controversy really over? What are the real concerns if 100 students out of 600 in a college level Human Sexuality class exercise their option to view explicit sexuality in action? Is this another example of America’s puritan heritage?

The United States provides the least sex education in public schools of any industrialized country. At the same time, we have among the highest rates of unwanted pregnancies, STD’s, and sexual dissatisfaction of any industrialized country.

There has been a long history in the United States of opposition to age appropriate sexuality education from K-12.  This opposition suggests individuals and parents assume children are taught adult sexuality before they are emotionally ready or that the simple teaching of age appropriate sexuality education will encourage young people to be promiscuous or engage in objectionable activities.

Research reveals the reverse is actually true.  If you teach children nothing about human sexuality, they will figure intercourse out on their own. Repeatedly, studies acknowledge with earlier sexuality education, the average age when intercourse begins increases substantially.  In addition, there are much lower rates of unwanted pregnancies and STD’s making the cost of ignorance just too high.

Another reason to consider age appropriate sexuality education in K-12 is the problem of bullying that has recently received much publicity in the media.  Beginning at a young age, if children are taught individuals come in all body shapes, colors, and sizes, it gives them a head start toward a healthier sexual future as adults and teaches acceptance of diversity.

Age appropriate comprehensive sex education initiates the ability for saying “no” during unwanted sexual encounters. Desensitizing young children to the word “no” encourages the ability to use the word comfortably when addressing bullies and sexual advancements. Feeling comfortable in saying “no” to sexual advancements must begin when children are as young as three years of age. If 3-5 year old children are raised in an environment where “no” and “no means no” is practiced at home and school, along with healthy views of diverse body types, this matter would not have become such a huge public issue.

Having age appropriate conversations with children encourages healthier views on sex as adults.  If Dr. Bailey’s students and the public had received such an education when they were young, it is unlikely this story would have received so much publicity.

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Listed below are suggested, age-appropriate topics of instruction for sexuality education for the State of Oregon. These topics are the accumulative summary of recommendations made by the Sexuality Instruction and Education Council of the United States; Advocates for Youth; Guttmacher Institute; The Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation; Douglas Kirby, Ph.D. (No Easy Answers and Emerging Answers); Phi Delta Kappa; Center for Disease Control and Prevention-Division of Adolescent School Health; and the Oregon Sexuality Materials Review Panel.

A. Grades K-3:

1. Good touch, bad touch
2. Understanding body parts, proper anatomical names, stages in basic growth process
3. Communicable/non-communicable diseases, the concept
4. Behaviors that reduce the spread of communicable diseases (washing hands, not sharing eating utensils, using Kleenex)
5. Accepting of their uniqueness and a positive regard for themselves and others
6. Recognize risk behaviors (sharing body fluids) and methods of prevention
7. Unsafe objects (needles, broken glass, drug paraphernalia)
8. Refusal skills, role playing
9. Personal hygiene
10. Emotional development

B. Grades 4-5:

1. Children are not ready for sex
2. Biological explanation of the anatomy and physiology for reproduction, for HIV and infectious diseases and puberty – physical and emotional changes
3. Risk, consequences, prevention (avoiding body fluids, needles, etc.)
4. Unsafe objects (needles, syringes, etc.)
5. Refusal skills, role playing
6. Communicable/non-communicable diseases
7. Infection control, hand washing
8. HIV/STI risk, personal plan of prevention
9. Developing healthy attitudes about oneself and others
10. Communication skills
11. Gender respect (boy/girl relationships)
12. Realistic body image
13. Media influences
14. Personal hygiene
15. Sexual expression is a healthy/pleasurable activity for most adults
16. Discussion of different types of relationships (e.g., friendship, family, romantic)

C. Grades 6-8:

1. Young teenagers are not physically or emotionally prepared for a responsible sexual relationship that include intercourse
2. Abstinence from sexual intercourse is the safest and most effective method to prevent HIV/STI’s and unintended pregnancy
3. Teenagers need to discuss sexual limits with their partners and people need to respect the sexual limits set by their partners
4. There are many ways to express love, attraction and connection to a partner. Sexual intercourse or other sexual activities are just one way.
5. There are many ways to give and receive romantic attention and not have sexual intercourse or engage in sexual activity that can put you at risk
6. Teenagers need to talk to their parent(s) or other trusted adult before they engage in sexual intercourse or other sexual risk behaviors, seeking reliable advice
7. Effective use of contraceptive and disease prevention methods
8. Most adults believe school-aged teenagers should not have sexual intercourse or engage in risky sexual behaviors
9. The majority of school-aged youth are not having sexual intercourse
10. Influence of media
11. Puberty and maturation, masculinity/femininity
12. Positive body image and healthy identity
13. Reproductive health, conception, personal hygiene
14. Dating violence, responsibility and respect for oneself and others, gender respect
15. Refusal skills, resisting and effectively dealing with negative pressures, communication and asserting personal boundaries
16. Many religions teach that sexual intercourse should only occur in marriage
17. Teenagers who have had sexual intercourse can choose to be abstinence
18. Define HIV/STIs and the immune system, symptoms, effects testing, self
    examination
19. Define vaginal, oral and anal sexual intercourse
20. Chain of infection
21. Skills for making responsible decisions and choices
22. Social issue with regards to abstinence and non-abstinence
23. Family structures and dynamics
24. The effects of alcohol and drug use in making responsible sexual decisions
25. Disease treatment, past/current/future research for HIV and STI’s
26. Advise students of the laws pertaining to financial responsibility for their children.

D. Grades 9-12:

1. The majority of high school students are not having sexual intercourse
2. There are many ways to express love, attraction and connection. Sexual intercourse or other sexual activities are just one way.
3. Accessing contraceptive disease prevention methods, resources and community services, adoption and abortion
4. Review of HIV/AIDS/STI’s symptoms, effects, testing, self examination
5. Prevention through responsible decisions and choices
6. Refusal and communication skills to maintain sexual limits and healthy relationships
7. Teens perceiving themselves at risk
8. Treatment and research
9. Male and female anatomy, reproduction
10. Masculinity/femininity, gender identity and sexual orientation
11. Promoting gender respect, respect for oneself and others and individual differences
12. Family structures and dynamics
13. Media influence, peer and parental influence on sexuality
14. The effects of alcohol and drugs with regards to responsible sexual decision making
15. Vaginal, oral, anal sexual intercourse
16. Social, physical and emotional advantages of making choices that are right for us, that fit with our personal choices and boundaries and are freely chosen
17. Analyzing appropriate behavior in dating relationships
18. Advise students of the laws pertaining to financial responsibility for their children.

Other themes that need to be included in an effective sexuality education program:

• Human sexuality decisions can impact our health.
• HIV/STI’s and unintended pregnancies are public health issues. Human sexuality is a continuum of choices: no sex ◄———–► sex with protection.
• Human sexuality education is a part of mental, social and psychological well being.
• Human sexuality education is about age-appropriate, accurate knowledge and skills that, when addressed in a safe and healthy environment, can help our children grow into responsible community members.

Victor, (2009).  Age-appropriate sexuality education topic guidelines.  Retrieved from:http://www.ode.state.or.us/opportunities/grants/hklb/hivaids/sexedguidelines.pdf

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